How to get me to subscribe to your blog

Each time the Sew Mama Sew giveaway rolls around, I look at and pass by many blogs, subscribe to several new-to-me blogs - and immediately unsubscribe from a few.

#1 on the list for getting me to delete you from my feed reader: putting just a snippet in your feed.  Yes, you may think it will make people come by your blog rather than just reading it in the reader - but that's only if you're fabulous enough to make me want to click through every time.  (If it's a money thing - some rss feeds have ads in them, so that's a possibility.)  Examples: GrosgrainFabulous and My Cozy Little Whimsy Nook.

If you want me to click through, you have to be excellent enough to bring me over from just a snippet (unlikely),  have something that I want to comment about without your requesting comments, or - much more effectively - ask a question at the end.  "What are you doing today" works!  (I'm not clicking through as much these days, reading the RSS feeds on a smartphone while nursing in the middle of the night, but sometimes...)

How do you get me to subscribe?

• Be different - be a man who makes traditional quilts and raises a daughter with his partner in Texas, or a woman with an autistic boy and his two sisters who writes about triumphs and difficulties, or someone who makes a fairy world for herself.  
• Make things I like and want to make (traditional quilts, for example!), or have children a bit older than mine so that I know what to expect (and get ideas for things to make).
• Just have pretty pictures or be bright and sunny and rainbow-filled.
• Even if I don't like your things at all (but even more if I do), good stories never hurt.
• Not too many posts - five a day might be a bit much!
• Be nice.  If you're really nice, I'll even buy things from you :)

And don'ts?

• Don't post one huge fifteen-page post with eighty photos that takes forever to load - break it up!
• Don't be nasty.  Grouchy people, or people who talk overly much about politics (sometimes even if I agree with you), or especially people who say that you'd have to be an idiot to disagree with them (if you think I'm an idiot, clearly you don't want me reading your blog, so I'll leave), well, it's not worth my time.
• I don't care about your blog layout and colors (I use a feed reader), but really weird and hard-to-read fonts will turn me off... and if your blog plays music, I won't stay there long enough to see what you have and decide whether or not to subscribe!

But I'm not overly picky - I have nearly 800 feeds (in several topics, crafts as well as professional, comics, and (guilty secret) Warcraft; and many defunct, because there's no reason to clear it out if it doesn't post anything).  So, if you see a click-through in your stats from google reader, that's likely me!

UPDATE: I've seen several people put a little "this is what I've done lately" mosaic - that's great.  If your next post is out of character for your blog, or you have three things about toy reviews but you're mainly a sewing blog (just saw one of those!), etc., that will get your new visitors to have a better feel for what you're about.  Clever!

Good luck on the giveaways!

Last December I won a few bags, both of which I use regularly, and one of which I am never without - I won this bag from BettyCrockerAss (ha!)

At her suggestion - and thanks to the packet of wipes she stored inside - I use it as my diapering case.  It's on my wrist when we're stepping to the changing area and I don't need to take the whole stroller/diaper bag, and it's in the diaper bag otherwise.  It's great when you win something so useful!  (Even more useful - the baby came two weeks early, and those were the only wipes we owned when she showed up!)

Here it is in its regular location, accompanied by the nursing cover my mother made me (couldn't sit at the sewing machine the last six weeks, so she took over!) and one of our beloved cloth diapers (another is in the bag, along with a just-in-case disposable):

I'm hoping to win things this time, but even if I don't - I've found many new blogs to subscribe to.  And I enter only things that I actually like, and subscribe only to blogs I'll actually (plan to) read, so consider yourself admired if I entered/subscribed (or commented on another post - as I'll do if I like your blog but don't need whatever is in the giveaway!).

Good luck, everyone!

Bad reasons for discouraging things

(Posted late because I didn't want this to be my first return post!)

There's something that's been disturbing me about child-rearing advice and discussions, and I feel I should write it out.

I keep coming across statements by various experts (even including Brazelton) saying they don't encourage various baby ideas because they're not convenient for all parents.  I understand perhaps saying they don't push them, or don't want people to think they're obligatory, or want to make sure people who can't do them don't feel guilty or like failures, but actively discouraging parents from doing things because other parents can't is misguided.

Examples?

Saying the emphasis on breastfeeding is wrong, because it's difficult for women who go back to work. (Difficult, yes; impossible, generally not.  Yes, an electric pump is expensive (a manual one's not!), but not more expensive than formula! There are enough women who pump at work for over a year to demonstrate that it can be done. (See note below, though.))

Even better: saying it's wrong because it makes women the primary caregiver, and it discourages men from taking parental leave instead of women (I hear this most from people in European countries where leave is available to be divided between parents as they wish).  Well, yes, but if it's that important to you that the mother goes back to work and the father takes leave, you can pump and he can bottle feed.

(Now, this is not to say that there isn't unnecessary guilting going on - on Parents.com's breastfeeding articles, whenever they put the statement that "of course, breastfeeding is best, but it doesn't work out for everyone, so you shouldn't feel bad if it doesn't work for you," there are terribly nasty people in the comments who say "this must be sponsored by a formula company," or "it's nonsense to say it won't work for everyone - if you don't breastfeed exclusively, you're a terrible parent who wants only your own convenience and don't care about your child."  It's people like that who caused some serious depression in two of my friends who tried very hard to breastfeed but simply couldn't - and who cause much guilt among people who make a rational choice not to, due to personal health issues, medications, etc. 

And don't even get me started on the people furious about Piri Weepu, the football player in the ad bottle-feeding the baby, because it shows bottle-feeding and not breastfeeding - it's people like that, who say that a baby should never be fed by anyone but the mother and never be fed any way except straight from the breast, that would make it difficult for women to be away from the baby *at all* (more than 2 hours, at least, to say nothing of work) and to share parenting time with the fathers. 

Plus, not everyone can do the pumping thing. It’s all well and good to say businesses are required to provide pumping locations and opportunity, but not all jobs work that way – there are a lot of doctors among my friends and family, and good luck finding a hospital who will let a surgeon take a half-hour break every three hours when a single surgery can take many more hours than that – and good luck finding a surgeon who’d think that’s a good idea anyhow!

There are valid reasons not to breastfeed - but still, not enough to stop pointing out that it's best in general!)

Other things, that don’t go nearly as much to baby health but are simply parenting choices: Elimination Communication or other early potty training – apparently some people are opposed to it because it requires a caregiver to be on top of things all the time (and within quick reach of a bathroom). Daycares generally won’t do it, and not everyone has a one-on-one caregiver for the child, so those people who do have that opportunity shouldn’t, as it makes the others feel bad. (For what it’s worth, we’re doing moderate EC – as in, we do it at home, but I don’t cart a potty chair around with me or rush to take her to the public restrooms when we’re out. I figure, each diaper that doesn’t get soiled is a benefit to us and the environment, whether or not it “works” when done half-way.)

And baby-led weaning – or even diy baby food (or even cloth diapers!) – if daycares don’t do it, or they just require more attention than the store-bought option, then nobody should do it.

The Today Show was talking today (May 11) about the Time Magazine cover with the woman breastfeeding a nearly-four-year-old boy – and, more generally, about attachment parenting. Dr. Sears was on, and he was the one voice of reason: when they said, “but this isn’t feasible for everyone – what about working mothers, etc.? Won’t it make people feel they’re bad parents?” he replied, in effect, “do what you can – when you get home from work, do your babywearing, for example. It’s about balance; whatever you can do is better than nothing.”

If it makes you feel guilty about your own parenting to see me staying home with the baby rather than paying what would amount to my entire salary (librarians don't make much) to a nanny to do it for me, or to see me breastfeeding rather than giving formula, or to see me doing cloth diapers and putting her on a potty chair from three months, or to see homemade baby food or even healthy whole foods (BLW) rather than jars from the store, or to see the husband taking her for walks in a baby carrier, or to see her in handmade cotton dresses rather than the storebought polyester ones we've been given (and admittedly sometimes wear to church or parties, because they're fluffy and cute, but take off quickly, because they're slippery and hot)... well, if that makes you feel guilty, that's not my problem.  If it's justified guilt because you are truly lacking in your parenting - and many of us could name acquaintances (or celebrities) who don't seem to care about the children except as status symbols or somebody else's job, or people like the recent article on French parenting who don't breastfeed simply because it hampers their fashion sense - then perhaps you need to rethink things.  If it's guilt because you feel like you're doing the best you can, but it's not the way I do it - then you may need counseling for PPD, or simply to realize that you're doing the best you can, and everyone's style is different.  I've got no problem with pacifiers and I don't use all organic food, and I watch a lot of TV with her in the room (albeit generally facing away from the TV).  I'm not perfect, I just do things my way ... and I don't think someone else's misguided guilt is enough of a reason for me to stop.

Time to Return

Well hello there! 

I was gone for quite a while.  Many things have happened... Since a year ago March, my little cat, my companion for 18 years, finally passed away.  Then - as I mentioned here, in my post on hospice quilts - I spent some time at Houston Hospice, as we said goodbye to my grandfather.  I may write more on both of those topics at some point...

On a much more positive note - and the main reason I took time away from blogging - we had a baby!

She's a nice baby - Monkey Baby, we call her. (Hat available in my Etsy shop.)

She's much nicer out than in... pregnancy did not agree with me at all.  (Benefit to that - if you're sick the entire nine months, you don't have any baby weight to lose!)

I spend a lot of time just watching her make silly faces. 

The first month she was here was just spent getting to know her, so I didn't get to too much crafty work.  She's a good sleeper, though, so over the past three months I've had opportunity to make her lots of clothes - and make several more Monkey Baby hats for the shop (but not photograph them, so it's still just the generic listing) - which I hope to show you all soon!